I Hate Myself and I Want to Stop

By | February 7, 2019

“I hate myself, and I don’t know why.” Does this thought sound familiar? Is it an idea that goes through your head? If you’re struggling with feelings of self-loathing, you might think these sorts of thoughts. I have a friend who no matter how many times I tell her what a good person she is, what a great mom she is, it doesn’t matter; she still doesn’t love herself. It’s difficult to hear her talk about herself in a negative way, but self-loathing is a vicious cycle. She doesn’t want to hate herself, but it’s something she struggles with every day. Self-deprecation and these kinds of thoughts come with depression. My friend struggles with clinical depression, and it’s frustrating to watch her deal with these negative self-perceptions. It even started to impact her relationship with her partner. She knew that she needed help.

Depression and self-loathing

Depression is a liar. It tells us that we are bad. It tells us that we are worthless and that’s what’s happening to my friend. She sees herself in a negative light because her brain is lying to her. Depression isn’t logical, it’s emotional and it’s a sign that our minds are glitching. It’s a chemical imbalance that occurs in our brains and what we can do is fight back against it. We hear the lies, and we respectfully disagree with them. Eventually, my friend decided that she needed to get help. She couldn’t fight against those self-hatred thoughts by herself, and she wanted to seek the help of the therapist.

How therapy helps depression

Therapy can help people struggling with depression. My friend saw a therapist and told her provider how much she was hurting from thoughts. She confided in her therapist how the thoughts in her brain were making her feel bad about herself. As her friend watching her struggle was painful. She didn’t want to feel this way, and it was hurting her. The therapist told her that she wasn’t doing anything wrong. It wasn’t her fault, and she wanted to stop the thoughts, but she didn’t have control over them. She learned exercises to combat negative thinking in therapy. Her therapist taught her about cognitive distortions and worked with her on smart records. She learned the process of CBT or cognitive behavior therapy. Through CBT my friend discovered that negative thinking was trying to convince her that she didn’t like herself. But her brain was tricking her. Our minds can be tricksters, and it’s important to be mindful of this.

Hating yourself is an illusion

When you think that you hate yourself, it’s likely because you’re frustrated with something that you’ve said or done. Saying you hate yourself is an extreme statement. When you have that thought, you can immediately start to write down what triggered it. Maybe you said something that hurt somebody’s feelings. Perhaps you did something that you’re not proud that you did and you want to do something better next time. You are all you got, and it’s important to recognize that we all make mistakes. It’s just a matter of trying to figure out what you can do differently next time. And that something you can work on in therapy.

Online counseling

A great place to work on self-loathing and depression thoughts is online therapy. An online therapist can support you and in exploring why you have the view that you hate yourself. It’s not exactly the truth. You don’t hate yourself. You may be upset at the situation or how you treated somebody, but you can find out the origin of these thoughts and work through them with the supportive online therapist. Don’t suffer alone, and don’t be afraid to reach out for help. You can get through these self-loathing thoughts with somebody who cares.

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The Good Men Project